


The Assistant

by penink



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Assistent's first name is Michael in this, Gen, It's not healthy, Some Blackwing talk but nothing too terrible, They are all bad at feelings, Todd Brotzman is Bad at Feelings, an additional warning for a graphic pararibulitus attack, anti assistent, implied future todd/dirk, implied tina/farah content, no offense to those who love Assistent in theory but I Can't Okay, not established though, that's just the worst though isn't it, this is a fix it fic for a season 3 that never happened, this is more angst than fluff but a lot of it is just talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22523782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penink/pseuds/penink
Summary: Todd confronts Assistent after he starts dating Dirk.  It escalates from there.
Relationships: Farah Black & Dirk Gently, Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently, Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 20
Kudos: 47





	The Assistant

It had all started when that stupid asshole had turned up outside the agency, late at night, in the rain, looking about as pathetic as a drowned rat. Dirk had, of course, immediately pitied him. Todd was usually endeared by Dirk’s propensity to bring home strays, but this particular one had rubbed Todd the wrong way from the very beginning.

“I’m sorry- How exactly did you meet this guy?” Todd had grilled his partner- ah, his _business_ partner, that is- the moment they were alone. 

“Oh, well, it was back in Bergsberg,” Dirk was all motion, rustling around the kitchen at the back of the office, both absentminded and occupied at the same time. “Actually, I suppose it _wasn’t_ really in Bergsberg, it was in Blackwing-” 

“Blackwing?” Alarms were already going off for Todd. 

Dirk gave him an amused sort of look, as if he thought Todd were being a bit slow on purpose, “yes, Todd, in Blackwing. When I had to go back for Francis. In all the chaos I ran into Assistent-” A pause, Dirk turning on the kettle. “I ran into _Michael_ while trying to avoid all the fighting. He was an absolute mess, but he did try and help me find Francis and incidentally Mona,” Dirk looked around with an intensity towards inanimate objects that someone who didn’t know Mona might find odd. Mona wasn’t one to announce herself when she ‘dropped by’ their apartment. Usually Todd was given a heart attack when the tv remote shapeshifted to ask about his day. 

“ _Anyways_ ,” Dirk continued. “You heard him. He needs help. Blackwing isn’t exactly a place you can just quit easily.” 

“Why do you think he quit?” Todd folded his arms over his chest, staring at the man on their sofa in the other room with more than a little concern. 

“Why do I think- Because it’s _Blackwing_ , Todd. It doesn’t take much to realize it’s a bad place,” Dirk said, he did not elaborate on the specifics of Blackwing, just as he had avoided the subject for months now. Dirk finished putting together mugs to bring back into the lounge at the front of their office. Todd followed him. Dirk continued, “how can I _not_ try and help?” 

That had been three months ago and Todd hadn’t exactly warmed up to _Michael_. Particularly as he had gotten very close to Dirk. The man had gotten himself a job in Seattle and seemed perfectly content hanging around their office in his free time. He seemed very interested in Dirk and it seemed Dirk’s initial pity went a long way, especially as Assistent seemed to like hearing how Dirk solved a case, and that was enough for Dirk to appreciate his presence. 

“Look, Todd, there’s nothing wrong with him,” Farah sighed as once again her friend had brought up how irritating it was when Assistent joined them on a case. “I talked to him, I did a background check, and besides falling off the map for a few months -side effect of working at Blackwing, obviously- there’s nothing suspicious about him. He seems like an anxious, quiet sort of guy. He listens to Dirk. And Dirk really seems to like him.” Farah was trying hard to give him some peace of mind, but that wasn’t what Todd was looking for. 

“Ooohh, I know what it is,” Amanda had teased him immediately. “You’re jealous!” 

“I am not!” Todd shot back. 

This also wasn’t how he had wanted this conversation to go. Amanda had stopped by after over a month on the road with the rest of the rowdy 3 and before Amanda could fill him in on her latest adventures, she’d asked about the guy following Dirk around like a lost puppy. 

“-I thought that was your job?” 

“Shut up.” 

Todd had filled her in on how sick he was of Assistent dropping by every other day to ‘help’. Amanda had, of course, laughed at him for being bitchy. 

“Look, dude, if you’re really that antsy about it, just talk to Dirk. Make sure he knows you’re not getting enough attention,” Amanda said, hopping up onto their kitchen counter, helping herself to whatever food was in the nearest cabinet. 

“I’m being serious,” Todd couldn’t explain it. “The guy is too quiet. He turned up out of the blue and fell in love with Dirk immediately-” 

“Everyone who meets Dirk does that.” 

-And he never talks about Blackwing-” 

“Dirk doesn’t either.” 

“With good reason!” 

“Which is probably why this Assistent dude doesn’t blab about it either,” Amanda shot back. She stopped her bantering to refocus. “How about this, I can have the boys check him out. If they get any weird vibes off of him, I’ll let you know. _And_ if they do get anything bad, I’ll just have them suck the life out of him. Problem solved.” 

“Thanks, Amanda,” Todd forced himself to calm down. “I just… worry.” 

“I know, big bro,” Amanda punched his arm lightly, before leaning in, “and you’re jealous,” she added, leaving before he could retort. 

“I am _not_ jealous,” he muttered after her. 

Dirk called from the living room of their shared apartment. “Todd! Come here- Vogel wants-” 

“Show me your guitar, dude! You’re not as cool as drummer, but I wanna see it!” The shrill excited tone of the youngest rowdy called back to him as well. 

Todd shoved his reservations aside and rejoined his family. He got a particular satisfaction that Assistent looked mildly uncomfortable, squished between Martin and Gripps on the couch. 

“Sorry, Vogel, I left it at the office,” Todd shifted awkwardly around all this company. Vogel pouted from his seat on the floor next to the rainbow monster, who had been pulling leaves off of one of their many dead houseplants. His and Dirk’s tiny apartment was not meant for five rowdies along with the agency. It _especially_ wasn’t meant for ex-blackwing employees who wouldn’t stop looking at Dirk, who kept being delighted whenever Dirk stumbled into a clue as he did every day, who seemed to be on their couch whenever Todd got home… 

“Todd?” Dirk waved in front of his face, bringing him back to the present. “Did you not hear me?” 

“What?” 

“Would you mind helping with the washing up?” Dirk asked. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Todd got up once again, Dirk following. 

“Dirk, don’t worry about it, how about I help instead? You hosted,” Assistent interrupted and Todd resisted making a petty comment about how Dirk _and_ him had hosted. He was even more irritated when Assistent joined him in the kitchen. 

“Uh, you wash, I’ll dry?” Assistent tried uncertainly. Todd made a noncommittal noise in response which Assistent took as a yes. 

After plenty of terse silence, much to Todd’s irritation, Assistent spoke up. 

“You don’t like me.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I’m not blind,” Assistent was staring at him. Todd refused to look at him. “You don’t like when I help on cases.” 

“You don’t _help_ ,” Todd snapped. “You _watch._ That’s not helping.” Silence. “And I don’t know if I don’t like you. But I don’t trust you.” 

“Why?” Assistent said with an unsure laugh. He actually didn’t know. _How_ could he not know? 

Before Todd could stop himself he turned to face Assistent, stepping forward with enough aggression that Assistent stepped back. Despite Todd’s usually grumpy persona, this was far more intensity than he usually put forth. “What did you do at Blackwing, Michael?” 

Assistent hit the counter behind him. “I-I- did paperwork mostly- I took notes for Friedkin-” 

“That’s all? Really?” Todd snapped. “You-” 

“Todd? Michael?” Todd stepped back as Dirk spoke up from the doorway with some confusion. “What’re you both doing..?” 

“Nothing, Dirk,” Todd hated himself for being sharp and dismissive. He tried to pull back. “What is it?” 

“Amanda is leaving,” Dirk looked between them with far more focus and caution than he tended to be capable of. 

“Thanks,” Todd was quick to leave. Amanda immediately saw how bitter he was. 

“You better not be getting into trouble,” she leaned in to hug him, whispering in his ear. “Just _talk_ to Dirk, you dumbass.” 

“Did the rowdy 3-” 

“They’ve got nothing. He doesn’t feel chaotic or malicious or anything. Martin kinda thinks he’s a wimp,” Amanda told him. Todd wished he could feel relieved, but even if Assistent wasn’t walking around radiating murder plots, there was something _wrong_ with him being here. Even if for now he would have to accept him. “See you in a few weeks big bro,” Amanda punched him in the arm, a far more on brand goodbye than a hug, and joined the other five rowdy 3 in their van. 

“I’m gonna head out too,” Farah spoke up. “I guess I’ll see you guys at work tomorrow.” She glanced back into the kitchen where Dirk and Assistent were still chatting. Todd buried more paranoia. 

“Promise me you’ll calm down?” Farah asked her friend. “Dirk likes having him around.” 

“Cause the guy is a suck up,” Todd muttered. 

Farah gave him a look, “Dirk needs people who are supportive of him. There’s nothing bad about that besides the way you’ve been acting.” 

“Fine,” Todd sighed. Everyone was telling him the same thing. “I’ll try and make peace with the guy.” 

That would grow harder as time went on. Almost impossibly so when Todd hadn’t been able to go on a case with Dirk, his parents needing him, and Todd now trying to make up for lying to and basically scamming his parents, was in no place to refuse. Todd had been irritated, but that was nothing compared to how he felt coming home to an empty apartment. Dirk was still out. Todd texted Farah. 

_Hey are you guys still talking to the witness-_

_-No? I didn’t go today. Tina needed help w/ paperwork._

_Have you heard from Dirk-_

_-Not since I told him I couldn’t go. He seemed fine with it._

_He can’t have gone alone. He knows better by now-_

Todd was doing his best not to panic. Despite many peaceful months, he still hadn’t recovered from getting that call from Amanda, from Farah finding him curled on the floor, from asking _where’s Dirk?_ and how it took only a few minutes to realize he wasn’t coming back. That first week had been the worst of Todd’s life, so he couldn’t help but grow paranoid after too much silence from his friend. 

_-Todd don’t get weird on me, but he didn’t go alone._

A pause. 

_I’m not-_

_-Okay good. He’s with Assistent, they’ve both been on cases before, and it isn’t even late. If something important happened he’d update you._

_Ok-_

Todd was trying very hard not to be a clingy asshole. It was getting harder the later it got. Todd made dinner for both of them, he usually cooked, Dirk was _awful_ at it, but he was forced to put the leftover stirfry in the fridge. Todd sat in front of the tv, staring off into space. _I am not going to text Dirk. I am not going to be a bitch about it._

_Hey Dirk you okay? When are you gonna be home-_

Unsurprisingly, Dirk was terrible at texting back. His radio silence still made Todd nervous. The front door opened a little after nine. Todd was on his feet and by the door in an instant. Dirk did not seem to realize he was late in any way, rather, he was humming to himself and didn’t seem to notice Todd at first, when he did he stopped and gave him one of his excitable manic grins. 

Todd was about to start ranting, asking if he knew what time it was, if he _realized_ the stress he put Todd through- but was silenced by Dirk hugging him. All Todd’s irritation melted away. 

“Todd, I have had quite the day,” Dirk sighed contentedly. 

“What happened?” Todd was almost concerned, but Dirk seemed absolutely overjoyed, hell, he seemed smitten. 

Dirk fell back onto the couch, covering his face with his hands. “I think Michael and I- Well, I _know_ \- Maybe I know, anyways, but Michael and I-” 

“Get to the point,” Todd was being harsh, Dirk may have noticed, but he was quick to move on. 

“We solved the case!” Dirk started excitedly. “We found the dog first and that made everything much simpler- but that’s besides the point- we stopped the jeweler from killing him and it was all very intense and Michael _kissed_ me and I absolutely did not know what to do with that-” 

“ _What?_ ” Todd felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Dirk seemed to notice the change with more hesitancy. 

“Are you alright, Todd?” Dirk frowned. “You’re not having an attack, are you?” 

Christ, did he really look that shocked? “N-No, just surprised.” 

“I am too!” Dirk was off again, his excitement making him a bit more oblivious to Todd’s apathy. “I have to admit, he’s been _very_ sweet and paid very close attention to me and is incredibly supportive but I hadn’t thought he actually _liked_ me, it sounds so childish, but really, I _am_ a bit flustered about the whole thing.” Now Dirk looked to Todd for a reaction. Todd had to be careful. He didn’t want to hurt Dirk, but he had a terrible feeling in his chest that was getting harder to contain. 

“Oh. Do… do you think you like _him?”_ Todd asked. 

This seemed to actually surprise Dirk a bit. “Oh,” Dirk sat up. “Well, I don’t have much experience in the area, at least not with someone I’ve actually known for a while, but that’s what this is, isn’t it?” He was looking to Todd for answers and Todd didn’t know how he was going to handle it. “He’s very sweet and when he kissed me I got these butterflies and he actually seems to want to listen to what I have to say!” 

Todd was fighting so hard against every bitter comment and cynicism that wanted to burst out _I listen to what you have to say!_ “I’m glad you solved the case,” he managed. “And now that I know you’re home safe, you never texted me back, I’m going to bed.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Todd! There was so much happening, I didn’t even think to-” Dirk paused as Todd left him. “Goodnight, then!” 

Todd didn’t bother with a reply, shutting the door a bit more aggressively than necessary, and fell into bed without changing. His chest felt unbelievably tight but he knew it wasn’t an attack coming on. He almost wished it was because that would mean Dirk running in to hold him. When had he gotten this pathetic and clingy? It wasn’t simply that, no, it was _Assistent_. Todd didn’t trust him and the thought of him touching Dirk made his blood boil for that reason and that reason alone, surely. 

Todd knew it was the worst possible reaction he could have, but he found himself avoiding Dirk, and therefore Assistent, at every turn. Dirk seemed to pull away in response, physically and in conversation. Todd would enter a room in their apartment, no Assistent in sight, and Dirk wouldn’t look him in the eye. 

“Dirk-” 

Dirk jumped despite knowing Todd had just been in the other room, turning to face him with a mild, muted expression that seemed polite at best. Todd knew Dirk well enough by now that anything short of his general giddiness was stress. 

“Need something, Todd?” Dirk asked coolly. 

This was the part where Todd was meant to apologize and make things right. “So, where’s Assistent?” Instead his tone came out harsh, almost mocking. “He’s not here, so why are you home?” It was cold. 

Dirk didn’t bother looking hurt, he bit back whatever anger was rising at Todd after days of cruelty from him, and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him. The moment Dirk left Todd was consumed by guilt. What the hell was he _doing?_ Did he really think he could keep getting away with being cold towards Dirk without him getting fed up? Todd couldn’t bring himself to stop and it was like he was slipping back from all the progress he had made these past few years into a person he didn’t want to be. He didn’t want to push Dirk away. 

_-Todd what the fuck are you doing_

_Hey Amanda. How are you. How’s your life going-_

_-Don’t get sarcastic why are you being a dick to Dirk_

_What? What the hell are you talking about?-_

_-Farah and I keep in touch since you don’t bother with it. Dirk is freaking out cause you’ve been ignoring him. If you don’t figure yourself out you better hope the rowdies hold me back_

_Amanda what the hell-_

_-You think Dirk isn’t hurt by this? I’m not dumb I get that you’re pissed about Assistent but don’t take that out on Dirk_

_Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him-_

_-You fucking better. I’ll have Farah keep an eye on you_

Todd did not doubt his sister’s threat, but that didn’t make this easier. He didn’t think he’d been in the room with Assistent for more than a few seconds since Dirk’s reveal. It meant Todd had been missing work, he had been finding odd excuses to get out of the house and the office, and Todd honestly had no idea how Dirk was doing since their last exchange had been so cold. 

“Hey,” Todd spoke to Dirk for the first time in several days. Dirk jumped, turning around from the kitchen counter. 

“Todd. What- Did you need something?” Dirk frowned. _Why_ did he always think Todd was just there because he needed something? 

“No,” Todd felt consumed by guilt. Dirk had that same caution and hesitation he had had when Todd had found him at the hospital. Todd had forgotten how hyperaware Dirk was of what Todd thought of him. Dirk being angry enough to storm out of the apartment didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt by Todd’s ignorance. His fear of rejection hadn’t faded over time as much as Todd had hoped. “I wanted to see how you were doing.” 

“Me?” Dirk seemed absolutely confused. That was worse than anger. “You’re… worried?” 

Todd had to toughen up. “Yeah. And I’m sorry.” 

“You’re… sorry,” Dirk was rarely so paused. 

“Yeah, Dirk, I’m sorry,” Todd crossed his arms over his chest, unable to think of what else to say. “I… I’ve been such a dick lately.” 

Dirk still didn’t know where Todd was going with this. “So… you’re not… mad at me?” 

“No, not at all,” Todd said quickly. “I… fuck,” Todd muttered. “I don’t like Assistent- Michael, I mean, but… if he makes you happy, I’m gonna get over that.” 

Dirk grew a little teary-eyed and Todd kind of wanted to melt into the floor but instead he accepted Dirk’s hug and realizing a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Despite his self inflicted pariahcy, Todd had missed him. 

“Thanks, Todd.” 

“Why the hell are you thanking me?” Todd mumbled. 

“Not sure, really, but… I really do want you and Michael to get along,” Dirk said. “So, thanks for making an effort.” 

“I haven’t yet.” 

Dirk laughed, “you’re going to!” 

“Yeah, where is the little bastard, anyways?” 

“Todd,” Dirk scolded him. “He’s been trying to get in touch with family. He was completely off the map for months, so, it isn’t going very well.” 

“Did you ever find out exactly what he did at blackwing?” Todd tried to sound casual but it still bugged him, despite having harassed anyone who might know already. 

“I don’t appreciate how you assume I need protecting from something,” Dirk grew harsh, well, harsh for him, and Todd knew he was still being a dick, but he _had_ to know. 

“Okay, so explain it to me,” Todd said. “Come on, Dirk I worry. I know you don’t need to be protected or something, you’re a grown man, but I’m your friend so I’d feel better if I knew.” He was trying so hard to be civil he almost didn’t sound like himself. 

“His job was to sit with Friedkin and listen to his whining. He had no idea what blackwing was doing, not really, that’s why he left. He took notes and hated his job. That’s it. I never saw him there until he was running from the gunfire when I got there from Wendimoor,” Dirk explained. Todd was relieved that at least Dirk had talked to Assistent- _Michael_ -about all of this. Dirk, wanting to reassure Todd fully, put his hands on Todd’s shoulders, leaning in to look him in the eye. “He never hurt me, Todd. He helped me get out of there the second time around.” 

“Good,” Todd spoke. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” Things still felt oddly stifled between them. “I really am sorry, Dirk. I didn’t mean to freak you out or think I was pissed at you, I just… I worry and I’m shit at showing it.” 

“I’d noticed,” Dirk was responding with more sass than average, but from his grin he accepted Todd’s apology. 

Todd, despite how hard he found it to be sincere about his own issues, had at least broken whatever tension had plagued them. Even if it meant no longer ignoring Michael at every opportunity. Michael responded with some level of confusion when Todd stopped leaving the room at his arrival. Rather than more at ease, it seemed to make the guy nervous. The moment Dirk was out of the room Assistent spoke up. 

“What’s your game here, Todd?” Assistent spoke under his breath. 

Todd resisted every urge to make a snide comment and did what he knew Dirk would want him to. “I’m trying to do better, okay, Michael?” Todd couldn’t help but sound a little terse. He didn’t like calling the guy Michael. He didn’t like calling him Assistent either. _Todd_ was the only assistant here. “Dirk likes you, which means I can’t hate you. I’d appreciate if you didn’t make this harder for me.” 

Assistent eyed him carefully, seeming to be gauging for sincerity. “Not gonna lie, Todd, you kind of scare me, but if you mean it, I’ll believe you. For Dirk’s sake.” 

Todd couldn’t help but warm a bit to the sentiment. As long as Assistent cared about Dirk, surely Todd could get over his own jealousy- no, it was just his concern for Dirk’s safety, _not_ jealousy. He would get over it, whatever it was. 

This plan worked quite well for a time. Assistent tagged along on cases and Farah was there to make sure Todd didn’t lose it as a third wheel, but that wasn’t fair to Dirk, who worked very hard to include his best friend and his boyfriend equally. _Boyfriend_. That still didn’t sit well with Todd, even if he managed to get along with Assistent, hell, Todd was even starting to like the guy, in a pitiful sort of way. The man had too much anxiety and was definitely more of a follower than a leader, but he _did_ pay attention to Dirk and ask questions about the case and Dirk’s plans and the fundamental interconnectedness of the universe, so that had to count for something. 

“Hi, Todd.” 

“Jesus fucking christ- Mona!” Todd dropped his neatly folded laundry on the floor in momentary panic. A sweatshirt that Todd hadn’t recognized as his or Dirk’s had just turned into an old friend. 

“Did I scare you?” She shuffled from foot to foot, staring around their flat almost as if she were getting used to seeing through human eyes again, which she probably was. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Todd picked up his now scattered laundry and didn’t have the heart to be annoyed with Mona for scaring him half to death. Todd couldn’t help but like Mona, even if she creeped him out sometimes. Something about her was just so obviously not quite human, but she loved Dirk and was a far easier house guest than the rowdies so Todd was pretty happy to see her as opposed to a more destructive holistic dropping by. “So- How are you, Mona? Have you… have you been a sweatshirt for long..?” Todd wasn’t totally sure how to talk to her, but he had to make an attempt. 

“I’m good,” Mona paused between sentences, sort of trailing off in what Todd assumed was a moment to think through how to speak again. “I was only a sweatshirt for a little while. I first came inside as a fly... and then a mouse... and then a sock and then a sweatshirt… I was on your chair since last night. Don’t worry, I didn’t see you change.” 

Todd, not wanting to think about how Mona could have seen him if she didn’t have eyes at the time, decided to ignore that part of the conversation, Mona’s perception of modesty and politeness was a bit different to the average person, and she had always made an effort to be kind to him in her own way. “Why’d you stop by? Dirk’s not home yet, sorry.” 

“Oh, that’s okay,” Mona seemed troubled, at least Todd hoped he was reading her right, he could never really tell. 

“Are you okay, Mona?” Todd stopped his attempts to refold his laundry to focus on the girl who seemed to be struggling to find words. 

“Yeah… I’m just worried about Dirk…” She trailed off like always, and despite Todd already getting nervous, he didn’t rush her. 

“Why are you worried, Mona?” Todd forced himself to stay calm, not wanting to upset Mona further, otherwise she might turn back into a sweatshirt and not come back to him for days. 

“Oh… I didn’t like Mr. Friedkin or his friend… even if they were nice in the end,” Mona shrugged absentmindedly. “I thought Dirk would be sad if he was talking to Mr. Friedkin’s friend.” 

“Do you- Do you mean Assistent?” Todd already knew the answer, but he asked anyways. 

“Yeah. The little man that helped Mr. Friedkin,” Mona nodded solemnly. “Dirk was really unhappy back in blackwing, so I don’t know why he’s been spending so much time with...Assistent.” 

“Wait, so, Mona- _you_ were in blackwing, keeping an eye on Dirk?” Todd was trying very hard to follow her. 

“Well, yeah, silly! How did you think I helped the little snail send him away?” It seemed obvious to Mona, growing less and less so for Todd. 

Todd felt a mixture of vindication and guilt. He was still fucking investigating Dirk’s boyfriend- but how could he _not?_ Especially when someone _finally_ shared his concerns? 

“What did Assistent do in blackwing, Mona?” 

“He helped Mr. Friedkin.” 

“Okay, but helped him _how?”_

Mona looked even more troubled now as she thought about it. “He and Mr. Friedkin would watch Dirk without him knowing. There were voices that said mean things to him and bad people that took him where he didn’t want to go. They kept on making Dirk angry or scaring him or just not talking to him at all until he would scare himself instead…” Mona trailed off, looking grave. Todd wasn’t sure how to describe the sickness he was now feeling. “It was very bad. I didn’t know how to stop them from hurting him, that’s why I needed the snail to help-” 

“Can we refocus, Mona? So- Assistent was there the whole time?” A nod. “He was watching Dirk, he _knew_ exactly what they were doing? He- He _helped?”_

“Yeah… oh, I made you angry. I’m sorry, Todd.” 

“No- No, I’m not angry with you Mona,” Todd said. “Thank you- I just-” He paused, trying to contain his rising fury. “I’m worried about Dirk too, Mona.” Another panicked part of him wanted to ask her, _what exactly did they do to Dirk?_ But it wasn’t Mona’s place to answer that question any more than it was Todd’s to ask it. 

“Are you gonna help Dirk?” Mona asked. 

“What-? Oh. Yeah, well, I’m gonna try,” Todd said. Mona seemed to finally relax at this, her smile returning. 

“That’s nice.” And then she was gone and in her place was a mouse, which scurried away under the couch. 

“Thanks, Mona,” Todd felt a little ridiculous to say that into what now seemed like an empty apartment, but he knew she got the message. The thing is, Todd didn’t know what to do now. He knew what he _wanted_ to do, but he didn’t know if that would help anyone. Still, he put his brass knuckles in his back pocket, just in case. 

Dirk and Assistent were together. Todd didn’t want to go breaking down the door of some apartment to murder Assistent, but he _did_ want to stop Assistent from ever being near Dirk again. Todd was one to act, not sit around waiting for a clever opportunity, that was Farah’s job. Actually, _should_ he tell Farah? Or Amanda and her rowdies? It felt cruel to go blabbing on about how Dirk needed saving. So did he go talk to Dirk first? _That_ felt unfair too. How could he pull Dirk aside and once again tell him he needed someone to tell him what was good for him? Dirk had been controlled by so many people and Todd refused to become one of them. 

Todd still hadn’t made up his mind when their apartment door opened. “Dirk?” He wasn’t sure if he was going to try and talk to Dirk or what to do if Assistent was with him or if he should ignore the problem altogether, but soon something all but made the choice for him. Assistent came through the door. Dirk did not. Everything was much simpler now. 

“Hey, Todd, just me, Dirk is-” Assistent let out a soft gasp of surprise instead of a scream when Todd slammed him into the wall just inside their apartment, the door still open so a passerby might call the police, Todd’s forearm pressed into the man’s throat. They were both short, but even if Assistent had towered over him the coward would have been terrified by Todd clearly out for blood. This way it was just easier for Todd to reach his throat. 

But now Todd didn’t know what to say, with a dozen accusations running through his head and made very much aware that this situation did not look good for him should someone else walk through that door. 

“Why- Why are you _here?_ ” Todd started. Assistent did not reply and Todd realized he should probably stop pressing down on the man’s throat if he wanted a reply. He didn’t fully let go. 

Assistent’s words came out hoarse and panicked, “Todd, whatever’s gotten into you, you’ve got to stop, Dirk will be-” 

“You don’t have the fucking right to tell me what Dirk’s gonna do,” Todd snarled. “Why’d you follow him? Huh? You still on the payroll at blackwing? Or worse- are you just here for the fun of it? What’s your _game_ here, Michael?” 

“Todd, we’ve been through this, I don’t know what’s happened to you, is this part of a pararibulitus attack or..?” Wrong thing to say. Todd was definitely threatening him and Assistent was definitely afraid yet this stupid motherfucker had the guts to patronize him. 

“You don’t know anything about me,” Todd snapped. “You’re sick. _And_ you’re a liar. Did you think no one would figure it out? Did you think you could just _pretend_ that you weren’t there when they- when they-” 

Only now did Assistent look concerned, not merely afraid, but _concerned_. “What are you talking about? What have you heard? Who-” 

“Shut up,” Todd couldn’t hold himself back, slamming Michael into the wall again with enough force to knock the wind out of him. “Why are you here? Why did you leave blackwing?” 

“That’s the truth, I swear! I swear- I didn’t want to work for blackwing anymore and I liked Dirk-” 

“What, you fell in love while watching them experiment on him?!” Todd couldn’t find the words to explain how angry he was, how out of control. “You decided he was the most interesting project, so you wanted to keep him around?” 

“Todd, please, you have to understand, I didn’t _do_ anything-” 

“You’re damn right you didn’t- you just _let_ it happen!” 

“I was just doing my job-” 

Todd couldn’t take it, brass knuckles or not he slammed his fist into Assistent’s face, who had nowhere to go, still pressed against the wall, so Todd could feel his nose splinter underneath his fist, his head hitting the wall even harder. “So were the nazis, you sick bastard! That’s not an _excuse.”_ Todd knew he was shouting, he knew the neighbors could come knocking and how bad this looked, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. “How do you even _look_ at him knowing what you know, how can you _lie_ to him?!” Todd backed away, disgusted by the man in front of him and the blood dripping to the floor, another sickening realization came to his mind. “You… you don’t care about Dirk at all. Do you?” Assistent scrambled to his feet, still pressed against the wall as blood gushed from his nose, too much for Todd to see how badly damaged it actually was. “Not as a person, at least. You’re just here to follow your favorite _project_ ,” he spat. 

“You’re acting like he was actually hurt!” Assistent backed away as Todd continued to advance. “They didn’t do anything to him, not really! They gave him _puzzles_. You should’ve seen where the rowdy 3 were staying- Dirk had it easy!” 

That was the wrong thing to say. Assistent staggered back against the table with a yelp as Todd caught him with another blow to the face. “He didn’t want to be there, you psychopath! You lied to Dirk about what you did because you _know_ it was wrong!” 

“ _You_ want to talk about _lying?_ ” Assistent’s voice, despite shaking and nasally from the blood choking him still sounded vindictive. “I’ve seen your file, Todd Brotzman. You’re the worst liar of them all. Scamming your parents? Lying to your sister, to your friends? And you have the self righteousness to lecture _me_ about _letting_ people get hurt? You _hurt_ people,” Assistent seemed to think he had a trump card, as he also not so subtly moved towards the door. 

Todd almost laughed at the idiocy of this coward trying to _win_. He didn’t seem to understand that this wasn’t just a little fistfight, it wasn’t something he could talk or run his way out of, Todd was _done_. He grabbed Assistent by the collar of his bloodied shirt and threw him to the ground. 

“You didn’t let _people_ get hurt, you let _Dirk_ get hurt, and you had the fucking stupidity to come after him,” Todd spat, his knee pressed into Assistent’s chest, the man was trying to shove Todd off of him but he was too weak for a furious Brotzman. “I did all that shit and more, but I paid for it. So now I’m gonna make sure _you_ pay for it-” Todd stopped, fist still raised, intending to take out a few teeth with Assistent’s nose. His hand _hurt_. Not the bruised knuckles kind of hurt- no, it _burned_. Todd glanced away from Assistent’s terrified eyes. 

Bad idea. Because now he could _see_ it. His hand was _melting_. Not on fire, no, it was being boiled away as if eaten at by acid. Todd didn’t remember when he started screaming or when he hit the ground, all he knew was that terrible pain was spreading up his arm causing his vision to blurr on Assistent standing over him. 

“You know he gave up, right? He gave up on you. He thought you and Black were never gonna find him,” Assistent had to make one more cruel comment, now that Todd was helpless, before leaving him to the attack. 

Todd couldn’t find his pills. They had been in his pocket- he _always_ had some in his pocket, but Todd couldn’t find them. He couldn’t find his phone either. His phone had been in his pocket too- _where_ was his phone? He needed to call Dirk- he needed to warn him- but _fuck_ all Todd could think about was the fact that he could feel his tongue melt inside of his mouth, choking him as that terrible burning pain consumed his chest and his head and oh god his eyes were melting like runny eggs down his cheeks and he couldn’t _breathe_ because his lungs were boiling and welding together. He hadn’t had an attack this bad in a long time, maybe not since his first attack. But he’d let the bastard _go._ Todd should’ve known better than to get so emotional, to cause himself pain by throwing a punch, of _course_ he had triggered an attack. 

He didn’t know where Dirk was. And he doubted Farah would just drop by their apartment and his sister was long gone. Todd couldn’t see but there was someone next to him, someone pressing a pill to his lips with gentle hands. 

“D-Dirk?” Todd stammered out, his entire body aching from being tense for what felt like hours. 

“It’s me, Todd,” Farah said softly. She looked so afraid. Todd felt terrible for scaring her like that. She hadn’t had to deal with one of his attacks since they were on the run. 

“Why’re you- What’re you doing here? How did you know?” Todd moved to sit up, deciding against it when his body protested. It seemed that he had hit his head against the leg of a table during the attack. 

“I didn’t know. I called you a few times, I just… I just needed to ask a question about the police report we needed to file for the last case and… well, I got a bad feeling. I got here and your phone and your pills were on the other side of the room, I don’t know how you managed to kick them that far away during the attack. I am so sorry, Todd, how long have you been like this?” Farah helped him sit up. She frowned. “What happened to your hand?” 

“My… my pills were where? Just on the floor?” Todd was struggling to catch up. 

“They were by the front door. Which was open, by the way, christ- Todd, you could’ve gotten really hurt,” Farah continued to fuss over him. She paused, more serious than concerned now. “But I’m not stupid. Your hand is bruised because you punched something. _And_ there’s blood on the floor. What did you do?” 

Todd shot up, head spinning, realizing quickly what had happened. “Farah- we need to find Dirk,” he said urgently, trying to get to his feet. 

“He’s okay. He’s at the office, Michael was supposed to meet him there after he got…” Farah trailed off, an understanding reaching her, “...something from your apartment.” Farah did not start throwing accusations at him. She knew Todd better than that by now. “Todd, what happened?” 

“I was right. That’s what happened!” Todd couldn’t help it. He was in pain from the attack and he was furious that that was why Assistent got away and he was scared what might happen to Dirk now. Todd forced himself to focus. They had to find Dirk, he could be bitter later. “Farah, Assistent didn’t just ‘work at blackwing’, he was _there_.” 

“What?” 

“He was watching them fucking torture Dirk for _months_.” Todd snapped, not at Farah, but at this entire mess of a situation. Todd started putting on his shoes, checking his pocket for his brass knuckles. Clearly Assistent had thought to drop his phone and his meds on the other side of the room, but he hadn’t taken the knuckles. 

“How did you-” Farah blustered. “I mean, I believe you Todd, don’t think I don’t but how the hell did you find this out?” 

“Mona,” Todd explained, heading towards the street, “where’d you park? Did you say Dirk was at the office?” 

“Yeah- What did Mona tell you?” Farah got into the driver’s side, pausing only to check the gun in her holster before heading for their office. 

“She saw it all. Assistent helped Friedkin, not with fucking _paperwork_ , he sat back with him and was totally fine with them treating Dirk like that. He came here and I don’t know what his plan was, but we can’t let Dirk be alone in all this.” Todd had been out of it more than long enough for Assistent to make it to the office. He didn’t think Assistent had the guts to actually try and hurt Dirk, but he was already comfortable lying to and manipulating him. 

“Fucking hell,” Farah muttered. “So, you were right. We can’t tear down blackwing, but I _will_ figure out a way to prosecute the bastard.” 

The lights were on in the office. Todd didn’t know if he should take that as a good sign or a bad one. Todd was still dizzy and definitely shouldn’t have been trying to run upstairs to their office. Farah had catch him when he staggered back. 

“Dirk!” Todd called for him the moment they were in the door. Rather than finding Assistent causing a scene or lying to Dirk, Assistent wasn’t there at all. Dirk was instead pacing on the phone. 

“Todd?!” Dirk rushed over to him, hugging him tightly. “How did you get here- you’re okay?!” 

“ _Me?_ What about _you?_ Where’s Assistent? What happened?” Todd couldn’t hold back rambling words as he looked him over. 

“I tried calling you but you weren’t answering, I don’t have my car, I couldn’t get home to you- I was about to call you, Farah- but Todd- what did he do? Are you okay?” Dirk pulled away so he could look at Todd but refused to let go fully. 

“Had an attack- but that doesn’t matter- where’s Assistent?” Todd asked. 

“I told him to get out and not come back,” Dirk looked serious, a strange, quiet sort of anger Todd wasn’t used to from him. 

“But… what did he say? Did he tell you about Blackwing?” Todd asked. 

“No, he came over here talking about how you attacked him unprovoked and how we needed to call the police on you,” Dirk scoffed. “Now, I told him that you would never do something like that, at least not without good reason. He got _pushy_ , wouldn’t even explain what had happened, so I told him to leave. Well, I told him to leave _and_ that if something happened to you he better not stop running,” Dirk smiled weakly, seeming a little sheepish talking about his own anger. That faded into a look of fearful confusion. “Wait- Todd- what would Michael have to tell me about Blackwing?” 

Farah saw where his mind was going and spoke up quickly, “it’s nothing happening now, no one’s looking for you or anything like that, it’s just…” She looked to Todd to explain. 

Todd after so much anger and ranting felt frozen. He was touched that Dirk had immediately defended him, but that didn’t mean this wouldn’t hurt him. “He- well, he lied,” Todd started uncertainly. 

“I’m going to need a little more than that, Todd,” Dirk was teasing but Todd knew him well enough by now to know he was anxious. 

“Assistent knew what they were doing to you in Blackwing,” Todd managed to force the words out. 

Dirk didn’t seem surprised or even particularly upset. “Ah, well. I… I expected as much, after how he was acting today,” his voice shook a bit and he turned away from his friends quickly. Dirk looked so _anxious_ now as he glanced back to his friends for a reaction. “What all did he tell you?” 

“Not much. It was Mona, actually, who told me not to trust him,” Todd sat down, wincing as his head continued to throb from hitting the floor. “She was looking out for you in Blackwing, you know.” 

“Of course she was,” Dirk smiled softly. Todd knew he was tired. “So, what did she tell you, then?” 

Todd looked to Farah, who was pacing the room and watching the streets for signs of movement through the front windows, Farah shrugged, it was his call. “Dirk, this isn’t going to make anything better-” 

“So why not just tell me then, Todd?” Dirk had that strange sort of smile now that thinly shadowed bitterness. 

“Mona saw him with Friedkin. He knew what was happening to you and didn’t have a problem with it,” Todd sighed. 

Dirk scoffed, shaking his head, arms folded across his chest, turning away from Todd. 

Todd took this as resentment towards Assistent. “I know, why he came here, I don’t know for sure, but he’s sick-” 

“I’m well aware that I should be angry with Assistent, Todd,” Dirk still refused to face him and Farah. “It’s just so humiliating,” Dirk mumbled the words, voice shaking now. Todd’s chest felt very tight now and it wasn’t another attack. 

“Dirk?” Farah stopped her watch outside to reach out to Dirk who almost seemed to flinch away from her touch, shaking her hand off his shoulder. 

“I- I actually _confided_ in him,” Dirk hissed. He seemed more frustrated than anything. “I shared things with him that he already knew because he had been _watching_ me.” Dirk ran a hand through his hair, pacing. 

“Dirk, please, you can talk to us about it, it’s okay,” Farah persisted. 

Dirk shook his head, sitting in a chair opposite Todd, head in his hands. “I was so stupid,” Dirk mumbled. “After being controlled and kept in the dark for so long- it happened again, it’s like I’ve just been played with. Assistent saw me at my lowest and decided to abuse that information.” 

“Come on, Dirk, this is all _his_ fault, like you said,” Todd tried to console him. 

“Yeah, but I trusted him,” Dirk snapped. “Wrong… wrong, it was all wrong… I thought I could talk to him because he had been inside Blackwing, he realized how horrible it was and ran so I thought- I thought I could be vulnerable and he might _understand_. He understood because he had _seen_ it already… It’s _humiliating_.” 

“Dirk… why didn’t you talk to us? You know we’d listen,” Todd asked. Dirk gave him a look. 

“That wouldn’t be fair, Todd. Assistent- well, it was _convenient_ to talk to him about this stuff, because he already knew some things, or all of it, I suppose,” Dirk cringed. “All those conversations where he feigned surprise and _worry_... Well, it wasn’t like I was going to have a heart-to-heart with the rowdy 3 about it, and Mona doesn’t exactly settle well in a form I could talk to, so that wouldn’t be fair to her…” 

“Dirk, you can talk to us,” Farah sat beside him. 

“I didn’t want to do that, Farah,” Dirk shook his head. “You’ve both already worried enough about me.” 

“Did you really think not talking to us would stop us from worrying?” Todd could almost roll his eyes if he weren’t so worried about Dirk right then too. “Of course we worry, Dirk.” Todd felt that anger returning, but there was no Assistent nearby for him to let it out on. “Blackwing tortured you for _months_ , not to mention your entire fucking childhood, so, yeah, we’re gonna worry about you.” 

“I think _torture_ is a bit strong, Todd,” Dirk scoffed. “I mean, it was isolating, and I was stuck inside and had to do these absurd tests, getting dragged from room to room… a bit undignifying, really…” 

Todd couldn’t hold back, he was already upset enough, but the words came out anyways, “Mona said they hurt you.” 

Dirk looked at him carefully in a way that Todd couldn’t read. A pause. “Well, Mona tends to worry more than most, and, well, they could be unkind, but I think your dramatic little claim that it was torture is a _bit_ strong.” 

“Dirk, you’re being avoidant,” Farah called him out on it. She grew quieter in her own worry. “If you can’t talk about it, fine, but why are you trying to brush it off like this?” 

“Why do you _think?”_ Dirk snapped. He looked from one friend to the other, realizing that his friends wouldn’t rest until he gave some answers. “It was tiring, mostly.” He started simply, not really looking at either of them, simply staring at the floor past his hands which remained wrung together in his lap, fingers twisting together restlessly. “The days blurred together so easily, and I think sometimes they changed when they let me sleep, because things got disorienting at the strangest times. The experiments were impossible, it was pure chance because as I’ve said a thousand times I am _not_ psychic.” Dirk frowned. “I kept on messing up. Sometimes it was just this annoying voice shouting at me every time I got it wrong, other times it got a bit absurd, which was far more irritating, and other times they shocked me or they wouldn’t let me eat or rest until I got something right…” 

Farah got up and resumed her pace of the room, staring out the window once more. Todd could tell from the way her hand went to her holster before returning to her side over and over that she wasn’t dealing well. Todd was trying his hardest just to listen when every part of him wanted to rage against Blackwing, to track down Assistent and then the rest of them and make them _pay_. 

“Farah?” Dirk looked back to his friend with some concern. 

“I do _not_ know how you’re being so blasé about about all of this,” Farah was talking too fast and sounded too indignant, as she always did when she couldn’t cope. “You’re talking about how it wasn’t torture, how it was _fine_ even though Blackwing is _clearly_ breaking a dozen articles of the geneva conventions regarding prisoners- it should count as crimes against humanity, really-” 

“Geneva conventions-?” Dirk laughed harshly. “What are you on about, Farah, it’s not like I was a prisoner of war-” 

“There are articles that forbid experimenting on prisoners, standards where you _cannot_ take away food as a form of discipline, don’t even get me started on- on- them _shocking_ you, that goes _beyond_ cruel and unusual punishment-”, 

“I suppose I don’t know what I was, really, it definitely wasn’t a prisoner of war, I was more like a labrat, I suppose, I don’t even know if on paper if I was considered a human citizen with the way they gathered data on holistics-” 

“There are _standards_ , the UN would have a field day with Blackwing, they never let you go outside, they didn’t give you eight hours of uninterrupted rest, the use of unnecessary force, hell, isolation is considered one of the worst forms of psychological torture-” 

“Can both of you shut up for a minute?!” Todd finally shouted over their two overlapping rants setting his teeth on edge. 

They both turned to him, looking mildly offended. Dirk, of course, added one more defense, “it was mostly observation, really, it wasn’t all that…” Todd was about to speak up once again but the look on Dirk’s face gave him a pause. “Oh.” They stared at him waiting for him to continue, Dirk shook himself slightly before explaining his lapse. “Nothing, really, I just- I suppose it makes sense… Assistent, he always asked so many questions, always _listened_ , I guess he got used to observing me, maybe he sought me out just because he was _interested_ ,” Dirk shuddered, biting his lip and once again refusing to look at his friends. “Well, at least he’s gone now,” Dirk’s voice shook a bit and Todd desperately tried to think of what to say but what _could_ he say? Dirk’s feelings made perfect sense, he had been manipulated and humiliated by a man who had every advantage to abuse their relationship; after finally thinking he could make decisions for himself as an independent person after people like Riggins and Blackwing as a whole telling him he couldn’t, growing attached to someone and choosing to open up to them, and after all that he found out that a decision he made fully for himself was a mistake. 

“You know, Dirk, I wasn’t right,” Todd started without really knowing where he was going. “I acted like I knew Assistent was up to something, or that somehow I had caught on to some bigger evil plan and right now I should be saying ‘I told you so’, but the truth is, I didn’t know shit about Assistent,” Todd shrugged. “I was just… I was just jealous, really.” 

Dirk finally looked at him, still teary-eyed and unsure, but with a little half smile returning, “jealous?” He sounded so teasing and that was such a relief. 

“Yeah, I know, ridiculous...” Todd rolled his eyes. “I was jealous.” 

“I can see that from your bruised knuckles- did you _really_ hit him that hard?” Dirk was wasn't properly joking, but Todd could tell he was relieved in some way that this friend was still being light with him. 

“Didn’t bother to put my brass knuckles on otherwise I would’ve done a lot better,” Todd laughed before turning sheepish, “oh, and sorry, there’s a little blood on our floor back home…” 

“I’ll forgive you,” Dirk said. He grew sincere once more. “Thank you, Todd. And you, Farah. I was… I needed something to ground me after this whole mess, and I’m glad it was you two.” 

“Don’t know why you’re thanking us, Todd and I are both so emotionally stunted it’s a miracle we made it this far,” Farah joined in. 

“Well, that makes three of us then,” Dirk shrugged. 

“No, but really, are you okay?” Todd had to ask one more time. 

Dirk looked between the two of them with such profound fondness. “Not sure, really, but I know I will be. So, yeah. I’m okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing dghda characters so I would much appreciate some feedback! I'm not totally happy with how this turned out but I hope it was an nice read regardless :)


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